Grandparents as Parents–GAP–is a group of grandparents and other relatives who are raising children who have bonded together to learn, connect with and support one another. (This family arrangement is known as a “kinship” family.) Some members have one child. Others have two, three, or even five children they’re raising. Each family has their own story of how they came to be parenting once again, whether it be due to issues related to drug abuse, neglect, abandonment or because a family member died, leaving behind children who needed a home. They understand the unique challenges--financially, emotionally, and logistically–and the tremendous joys this family setup brings. At the center of the GAP family, their own special matriarch is a woman who works tirelessly to care for her grandkids. With a heart large enough to embrace others facing similar struggles, she helps to make their lives a bit easier and less lonely.
Meet Shelia, GAP Founder and Director. The history of GAP starts with its founder and Director, Shelia Helsley. She was born and raised in Shenandoah County and has lived back in the area since 2004in the home where she grew up. She has raised her granddaughter, Alexis (Lexi), since the age of 2 and grandson, Dylan, since he was 9 months old. Through eight court cases between Newport News, Rockingham and Shenandoah counties, Shelia has secured sole custody, name change and protection for Alexis . For Dylann, she has been through six court cases in Rockingham and Shenandoah counties for sole custody and visitation changes. Parenting, Again Like many grandparents in Shenandoah County who have custody of their grandchildren, Shelia is raising her grandkids due too drug issues and child endangerment from her daughter. “It was the hardest thing I have ever done, even harder than making the commitment to raise both children, to say in court, ‘My daughter is an unfit mother and a danger to her children.’I had to say that in order to keep them safe, and being safe with me was the only option.” Both have different fathers who offer no support, monetary or otherwise. Shelia has a third grandchild, a middle granddaughter who lives with her paternal grandparents. They gained custody at birth when she was born addicted and after pregnancy. With Dylan, during the first month of pregnancy there were unknown drugs being used. His mother was taken to Fluvanna Correctional for Women, where she was for several years on drug and other charges. Since preschool, Dylan has shown behavioral issues that, once evaluated, confirmed anxiety, autism, depression, ADHD, disruptive mood disorder, impulse control issues and sensitivity processing dysfunctions. Creating Supports Since 2004, Shelia longed for a supportive, organized group in ShenCo to connect with and learn from other grandparents and relatives as parents. Having attended and been a member of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren at RMH/Sentra in Harrisonburg, she knew such a group was possible. She held the first planning meeting in January 2018. Since then, an average of 25 adults and kids have come to each meeting held every third Monday at Emmanuel Episcopal Church in Woodstock. Some meetings see 45 people in attendance! GAP's volunteers work to make sure child care is provided at every meeting. Community Advocate In addition to GAP meetings, Shelia participates in local forums, classes and fairs to network with area professionals, churches and nonprofits. This networking allows her to ensure kinship families have a voice in our community. Parenting, Together GAP meetings start with a homemade meal, brought by Shelia(and enhanced by anything members want to bring), which everyone eats together. Then the kids branch off to play and the caregivers settle in to listen to the month’s speaker. It’s an informal, warm, welcoming, safe environment for people to bond with others who get it.”(And for the kids to have fun playing with friends!) Shelia is always ready with an enthusiastic greeting and is eager to help new members feel at ease. Information about local assistance and resources is always available, as is a listening ear and comforting shoulder to lean on. Local Support Sometimes, friends of GAP have given clothes, games, toys and other items for whoever in the group can use them. Shelia organizes clothing swaps within the group as well. Sponsors help the group out by providing funds for the monthly meeting dinner, fun activities for the kids, such as painting at the local art studio and pizza nights. At Christmas, area groups have helped to give Christmas gifts for the kids as many of the families struggle financially given the unexpected need to raise another generation. As the number of kinship families continues to grow in Shenandoah County, so does GAP and their need for support from generous sponsors
Quick Facts
•An estimated 3 million older adults are raising their grandchildren*
•3% of children in Virginia live with a relative with no parent present^
•60.9% of grandparents raising grandchildren in Virginia are still in the workforce^
•14.7% of grandparents in Virginia raising grandchildren are in poverty^
•24.1%of grandparents raising grandchildren in Virginia have a disability^
•Among grandparents raising grandchildren there are higher-than-normal rates of depression, sleeplessness, emotional problems, and chronic health problems like hypertension and diabetes; feelings of exhaustion, loneliness, and isolation; a sense of having too little privacy, and too little time to spend with their spouses, friends, and other family members+